And, I never have figured out why men think with their heads and women with their hearts. And, I never yet have figured out how the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil when it hears the words, "I do."

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??" So she says the words that I and every husband on the planet dreads. She explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. I'm thinking, "What was her first clue?" I finally realized that nothing was going to happen that night, so I went to sleep.

The very next day, we went shopping at a big unnamed department store. I walked around while she tried on three very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three of them.

She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200. a pair, to which I said,"OK." And then we go to the Jewelry Dept. where she gets a set of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you ... she was so excited. She must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she doesn't even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her that it was OK.

She was almost sexually excited from all of this and you should have seen her face when she said, "I'm ready to go, let's go to the cash register."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey. I don't feel like buying all this stuff right now."

You should have seen the look on her face ... it went completely blank.

I then said,"Really honey! I just want you to hold this stuff for a while."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a man."