SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed .............................................+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative
pillows.... 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets...................-1
You leave the toilet seat
up..................................-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is
empty............ 0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to
Kleenex...-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next
bathroom...........-2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with
wings.....+5
in the
snow...................................................+8
but return with
beer..........................................-5
and no
liners................................................-25
You check out a suspicious noise at
night..................... 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is
nothing............ 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is
something..........+5
You pummel it with a six
iron................................+10
It's her
cat.................................................-40
AT THE PARTY
You stay by her side the entire
party......................... 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with
a College
drinking buddy........................................-2
Named
Tiffany.................................................-4
Tiffany is a
dancer..........................................-10
With breast
implants.........................................-18
HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her
birthday......................................0
You buy a card and
flowers.....................................0
You take her out to
dinner.................................... 0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports
bar..........+1
Okay, it is a sports
bar......................................-2
And it's all-you-can-eat
night................................-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your
face is
painted the colors of your favorite
team..................-10
A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a
pal..................................................0
The pal is happily
married....................................+1
The pal is
single.............................................-7
He drives a
Ferrari..........................................-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 NBED).................-15
A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a
movie.......................................+2
You take her to a movie she
likes.............................+4
You take her to a movie you
hate..............................+6
You take her to a movie you
like..............................-2
It's called Death Cop
III.....................................-3
Which features Cyborgs that eat
humans........................-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about
orphans........-15
YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot
belly...........................-15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise
to get rid of
it....................................................+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose
jeans and
baggy Hawaiian shirts..............................-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one
too.".............-800
THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in
responding...................................-10
You reply,
"Where?"..........................................-35
You reply, "No, I think it's your
ass"......................-100
Any other
response...........................................-20
COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned
expression..................0
You listen, for over 30
minutes...............................+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar
experience.....+50
You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her
saying "well,
what do you think I should do".............-50
you have fallen
asleep......................................-200
